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Monday, April 5, 2010

missing him..

i missed him..every minutes n every seconds.God!what is happening to me?its not the usual me..its not the person whom i used to be...relax and
i'm waiting for him..i waited..wait..wait and waited..i couldnt even do a single thing..tying to keep myself busy..though i am really assignment to submit other assignment to submit within this few weeks..n got exams at the end of this mind..
but what i could really do..was only thinking about i really missed him..n how i wish he would call me..n how i regretted whatever i was saying the other night.i dont know...jiwa so many much things to think n so much things to solve...
whatever it is..i have to be strong..i have to control myself.struggle with my own self..from within..
i'm giving him some him some air to hoping that he will realize how much he needed much important i am to him..n how i can refresh his old feelings for me..i know exactly the he struggle with his feelings too..
dont knowlah..i'm hoping that my action was the right thing to do..hoping that this will solve our feeling to him is a lot stronger than before...a feeling that i could not loose him n how much he really meant to me..

so i missed him..trying to loose a bit i searched his laptop..n found his video of G training..a video when he was actually training on the gravity test..n OMG!it was so hard..before this i have no idea that it is that hard..n i'm starting to realize how much i pushed him really hard before. in my personal opinion...(i never said this to him) but i think he is a really good air force pilot - to - be..listen to him telling me how his instructors pushing him really hard,motivated him..i know..deep down his instructor's heart that this guy is shit hot n he can perform well..i dont know if i'm wrong but i just got this feelings of how his instructor actually felt..because of that too..i pushed him hard too..i pushed him to perform every time bcos i know he can do it but one thing i forgot..i forgot how he actually struggle to after watching the opens up my eyes..that hat i did was wrong..i cannot be one of instructor that instruct him to perform..but i have to be someone who is supportive and motivate him in a psychological way...
i'm sorry sayang..for pushing u hard all this time..its just that i'm so proud of you that i want you to be the best among the others...
hee..dont know if this is legal or not...but here's the video..that actually heals my 'him sickness'

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