hectic month!hope april ends fast..

hurm..so there is another week for April!!!yeay!!!eager to end April but of course towards the end..much much more miserable..cause its the final exams..gosh!!!only 3 days to be exact before the exam starts and % of how much i have study???er...i would say 30%..hehehe..though my life have been upside down now..everyday after working came back home, sleep at about 9pm wakes up again at 2am or 3am..n stay all the way up till sunrise and off to work..sounds like i am really doing my studying right???ha..ha..ha..but no really..ngeh2..i'm facing some difficulties in focusing..well, i wakes up 2am..erm..normally 3am..perform my isyak prayer and sometimes sunat tahajud..then..i'll be studying maybe about 1 hour to 2 hrs..the max is 2 hrslah..but sometimes only half an hour..then i dont know what i'm doing..i try to adapt as many inputs as i can..but really..i cannot..and all of a sudden the sun rise..just the time i'm getting the mood to study again but i have to get ready to work..and that's why i always late to work..not because i wakes up late..hehehe...but though i'm late its just like 5 mins to 10 mins..hello!!!to the boss's wife (admin) does it really matters just 10mins???dont you consider how many minutes i stayed back before i go home???it's half an hour or hours sometimes...(ngee..lepas geram kt bini bos lak)hehehe..

anyhow, getting home is another thing..have to face traffic..sometimes really heavy...wah!mau gila aku cmni..but relax girl!chill out.take your class notes and begin reading it..yeah!it works..at least it reduce my tensioness of the traffic and some knowledge is being absorbed..hee..though hardly finish any chapter..but at least a little bit here and there would make it, right????plus my monday paper is about managing people..personally i think you have to know basic knowledge + some theories and there you are..at the exam hall..frying all the spices up to produce best recipe..apa lagi goreng jelah babe!!!hahaha..ckp senang..

hurm,another thing is..like i said before..my life is upside down now but i still got time to enjoy..last weekend spend some times with friends in Cameron..maybe i'll post in another entry..if i have the guts.. =P

meanwhile...have to study..cause tonight i dint sleep at 9pm..because waiting for mr 3 to call me...hardly been chatting with him this month of April as he is also busy with his life currntly...n so our schedule is not the same..never mindlah..have to do some sacrifcying kn????utk sape???utk kami jua..

well,wishing luck to myself..as no one is wishing me luck.. =) all the best in the exams!!selamat menggoreng!!yeah!!


go fiefa go fiefa go!!!

luv

8th April..in memory of my late dad..Al - fatihah

today is 8th April...ada apa dgn 8 April?
today is supposed to be my dad's birthday..but now..he is no longer in this world..
8th April will just pass by like any other day..no more celebration for him..
just Al-Fatihah is send far from here...

its already 2 years since he's gone..without i realizing it..
pejam celik pejam celik..sggh pantas masa berlalu...
it felt just like yesterday..
n frankly, i still feel like he's here with us
just that we never see him again...

it's hard to accept the fact that our dad is no more..
abah yg tak pnh sakit..he's been healthy his whole life..
but all of a sudden..felt sick..and...

abah pergi terlalu awal..terlalu cepat..
nevertheless no matter how hard and sad it is..
kami merelakan pemergian abah..
walaupn hakikatnya kami masih memerlukan abah...
mak..mak memerlukan abah..
anak2 abah memerelukan abah..
cucu2 abah memerlukan tokki nya..
dan aku...
aku masih memerlukan kasih syg seorg ayah..
aku memerlukan abah untuk menjadi wali ku sptmana kakak2ku..
tp aku sedar itu tak mngkn menjadi kenyataan..
abah tlh menyerahkan tggjwbnya kpd abangku..
yer..suatu hari nnti apabila tiba masanya..
abgku yg akan mewalikan aku..
bknnya abah..

Yang pergi tetap pergi..
jikalau sudah ditakdirkan seseorg itu pergi meninggalkan kita..
dia tetap akan pergi..
tidak kira sihat atau sakit..
tua atau muda...
jadi..redhalah dgn pemergian org tersayang kita..

abah..walaupn abah sudah tiada
ingtn kami pd abah msh segar..
irfan masih ingt atuk ali..seringkali menyebut nama atuk ali..
nk jadi mcm atuk ali..nk jadik polis.. :)
kadangkala kami hanya mampu gelak dan tersenyum..
kuat sggh ingatan dia pada tokki nya..
wajah abah pn masih dia kenal..

Alhamdulillah.. aku juga tak pernah lupa pd abah.
Al - Fatihah selalu disedekahkan pd abah..
cuma..
cuma aku dh lama tak menjejakkan kaki ke kubur abah..
kenapa?sbb aku takut..
aku takut akan dosa2 aku yg terpaksa abah galas..
takut memikirkan azab2 yg abah tanggung di sbbkn dosa2ku..

Ya Allah,ya tuhanku..
Kau Ampunkanlah dosa2 ku Ya Allah..
agar roh ayahku aman di sana..
sesungguhnya aku insan yg amat berdosa..
terlalu amat berdosa..

aku takkan berasa aman selagi aku tidak bernikah..
agar tanggungjawab mengalas segala perbuatan ku beralih arah pada suamiku..
agar abah terlepas dari segala kesilapan ku
tetapi tetap mendapat ketenangan dari doa2 ku dan amalan2ku..

bkn bermaksud ingin membebankan suami.. :)
tp biarlah tanggungjawab membimbing aku beralih kpdnya..
biarlah kami saling menyokong dan membimbing ke arah kehidupan akhirat yg sejati..

sungguh mulia seorg wanita di pandangan Islam..
segala perbuatan sang wanita hanya di tanggung oleh sang lelaki..
tetapi semua itu mempunyai sebab2 tertentu..
mengapa dosa2 wanita ditanggung oleh ayahnya dan suaminya..
sptmana senangnya seorg lelaki utk menanggung perbuatan anak atau isteri..
seperti itulah senangnya mereka utk mndpt pahala drpd amalan anak dan juga isteri..
Allah itu Maha Adil..

Hargailah mereka sebelum mereka pergi utk selamanya..penuhi dgn segala amalan di dunia agar dpt membawa bekalan di akhirat..

"Ya Allah, jadikan aku dan keturunanku orang-orang yang tetap mendirikan solat; ya Tuhan kami terimalah doaku.Ya Allah, ampuni aku dan kedua orang tuaku serta orang-orang mukmin pada hari terjadinya hisab (hari kiamat)..Ya Tuhan kami, anugerahkan kepada kami pasangan kami dan keturunan kami sebagai penyejuk hati kami..."




Ayah Aku Rindu Padamu

Ayah..aku rasa sunyi
sejak kehilanganmu di dunia ini
di saat ku meniti kejayaan ini

Ayah..aku menyanjungi
jasamu yang terlalu agung buatku
tak daya ku membalas jasa dan budimu
Tanpa kamu hilanglah haluan hidupku
terasa siksanya di jiwa ini
tak dapat ku membalas jasamu di dunia ini
Di pagi raya
ku pohonkan kemaafan, keinsafan
ku doakan agar rohmu dicucuri rahmat Ilahi

oh ayah...
aku rasa sunyi sejak kehilanganmu di dunia ini


Al - Fatihah buat Mohd Ali b. Yusoff, Yusoff b. Sulaiman, Mohd Azizi b. Mohd Ali, Shahid,Tok Wan dan Atuk.

Amiin..

missing him..

i missed him..every minutes n every seconds.God!what is happening to me?its not the usual me..its not the person whom i used to be...relax and manageable..now..its justt..so..
i'm waiting for him..i waited..wait..wait and waited..i couldnt even do a single thing..tying to keep myself busy..though i am really busy...got assignment to submit tomorrow..got other assignment to submit within this few weeks..n got exams at the end of this mind..
but what i could really do..was only thinking about him..how i really missed him..n how i wish he would call me..n how i regretted whatever i was saying the other night.i dont know...jiwa kacau.got so many problems..so much things to think n so much things to solve...
whatever it is..i have to be strong..i have to control myself.struggle with my own self..from within..
i'm giving him some times..giving him some air to breathe..in hoping that he will realize how much he needed me..how much important i am to him..n how i can refresh his old feelings for me..i know exactly the problems..how he struggle with his feelings too..
dont knowlah..i'm hoping that my action was the right thing to do..hoping that this will solve our problem..my feeling to him is a lot stronger than before...a feeling that i could not loose him n how much he really meant to me..

so i missed him..trying to loose a bit i searched his laptop..n found his video of G training..a video when he was actually training on the gravity test..n OMG!it was so hard..before this i have no idea that it is that hard..n i'm starting to realize how much i pushed him really hard before. in my personal opinion...(i never said this to him) but i think he is a really good air force pilot - to - be..listen to him telling me how his instructors pushing him really hard,motivated him..i know..deep down his instructor's heart that this guy is shit hot n he can perform well..i dont know if i'm wrong but i just got this feelings of how his instructor actually felt..because of that too..i pushed him hard too..i pushed him to perform every time bcos i know he can do it but one thing i forgot..i forgot how he actually struggle to perform..so after watching the video..it opens up my eyes..that hat i did was wrong..i cannot be one of instructor that instruct him to perform..but i have to be someone who is supportive and motivate him in a psychological way...
i'm sorry sayang..for pushing u hard all this time..its just that i'm so proud of you that i want you to be the best among the others...
hee..dont know if this is legal or not...but here's the video..that actually heals my 'him sickness'

stop spreading something that u guys dont know..

i received a phone call yesterday from a friend of mine..
it's been months since we last met..so keep on updating stories..
suddenly she told me that she heard something not good about me..
n i was?what the hell man????how does rumours spread when u never or hardly keep in touch with others??
n so she told me..my reaction??shocked n pissed off.of course..
at first felt mcm nk g serang org je..
but after sometimes..after talking with another old friend of mine..
yg pn dh lama giler tak kontek..
hurm.
hearing his advice..
n think rationally..
i decided to let it go..
but frankly..
i'm so dissapointed with all of my friends..
well,at least to somelah..
yg spreading stories without knowing the truth..
tidak tahukah anda cerita tanpa usul periksa itu boleh menimbulkan fitnah?
dan andai cerita itu tidak benar ianya adlh fitnah..
fitnah yg boleh mengaibkan org..
now..i dont want to comment further or
pin point anyone..
just that..
a reminder to all my friends n to myself also..
stop spreading things that u dont really know the truth..
its bad..
really bad..


frankly,

fiefa mohd ali.